Community Lawn Care Tips

After tireless debate…

The “Dad Gospel” of premier lawn care!

Ok so I’m seeing a lot of anticipatory posts on lawn crack deliciousness. Ok ya Lyin dogfaced pony soldiers ….here is a snapshot.  Sean and I have fought the good fight,  and found what works for us – bouncing things back and forth over time – timing is everything.

Im not claiming to be a pro, but this is what works for me every year in this area with least issues.

Do Now – thatching the lawn should be between now and the end of next week along with aeration.  I put on old school spike shoes and March like a fool.

– Week after that pick a day when it’s going to have some rain in the forecast and right before that before I lay grass seed,  the special fertilizer (It used to be tuppersan but Sean discovered the new stuff) and pelletized Lyme all go out the same day – lots of seed can’t get enough – I do first week April.

As soon as ground temp in full sun reaches 68 the crabgrass will spawn its demon possessed spirit and you are screwed if preemergent isn’t down – give up, go to a mirror, and slap yourself for ever thinking you could do anything right.  Then walk into the room and tell your wife to find a real man because you can’t cut it against crabgrass. (in other words don’t wait until May)

– Two weeks after that another round of the fertilizer and then you are set until mid to late July – one more application.

– Water is deep and infrequent – an hour or an hour and a half per zone in the morning so it can dry with no fungus but only every 2 to 3 days- even less if we get rain make the grass struggle for water and the roots go deep in search of water – that way in August you don’t have a brown out – watering every day spoils your little green babies.  Water should never puddle – so you may have to customize based on coverage and drainage.

– First mow is with catcher to prevent killing any seedlings by matting them down and to get up spring debris- new grass needs at least a few inches of length so your lawn will look like your crotch – unkept and in need of a trim – but keep the faith.

– After that is full mulch setting on mower till fall – no catcher – grass clumps get blown out with backpack blower if they show up

– late summer Scott’s winterguard and more seed

What about the grubs you say?  I took some advice from some people last year and got milky spore from agway – didn’t have a single problem and almost no moles as a result.

Supposed to last ten years and works by liquefying the insides of grubs.  Dark but Beauteous – the lawn eater becomes fertilizer – muhahahaha

One year my friend lent me an electric dethatcher – I fell in love – named it “thatchita” and almost married it but there were anatomical dangers involved so it didn’t work out.  Highly recommend one if avail to you

Whatever you do don’t post pics of your mowing if the lines are crooked – Fritz G Schneider won’t let you get away with it.